This Valentine’s Day, as colonial narratives of romance flood our screens, we invite you to a different kind of threshold—one where love isn’t confined to hearts-and-chocolates clichés, but one that flows like a river through the sacred topography of human connection.

For those navigating the ache of loneliness (those colonial narratives are meant to point out perceived flaws in being single)  or the weight of cultural displacement, this season can feel like a mirror reflecting what’s absent. But what if we reclaimed Valentine’s as a portal? A time to honour the radical, often invisible loves that sustain us when systems try to shrink our relational worlds.

The Five Thresholds* of Decolonial Love

*In our practice, thresholds are sacred spaces of transformation—where old patterns dissolve and new ways of being emerge. They’re not endpoints, but liminal crossings where we shed colonial scripts about who/how to love, and reclaim ancestral wisdom about connection as radical care.

This piece invites you through five often-overlooked portals of love—each a somatic and systemic rebellion against narrow Valentine’s narratives.  

Somatic Sovereignty: The Love Your Body Deserves

“How you touch your own skin is the first treaty of care.”

• Practice: Before bed, trace your collarbone with three breaths—a ritual to reclaim your body from colonial beauty myths.
• Why It Matters: Somatic research shows that trauma lives in tissues. Loving touch rewrites neural pathways of worthiness.

Friendship as Ancestral Rebellion

Platonic bonds aren’t “less than”—they’re lifelines in a world prioritizing nuclear isolation over communal care.

• Practice: Next time you’re with a close friend, try this:
  • Sit back-to-back, spines touching. Take three deep breaths together, imagining your ancestral lines intertwining like roots. Notice: How does your body feel supported differently than in romantic touch?

• Decolonial Lens: Many Indigenous cultures practice “heart adoption,” where non-blood kin are fully embraced as family. Your friendships are living echoes of this sacred tradition.

Land as Lover: Reciprocity Beyond Romance

The most neglected Valentine? The soil holding your grief.

• Action: Plant seeds that are indigenous to your area with a prayer or intention: “May my care for you mirror how I wish to be cherished.”
• Science Meets Spirit: Studies confirm soil microbes boost serotonin—nature’s antidepressant.

Anger as Love’s Shadow

Rage at injustice is NOT bitterness—it’s the muscle of care.

• Somatic Check-In: Where does fury live in your body? Place a warm stone there, whispering: “You’re right to burn.” 
• If accessing your fight response feels too big or scary, can you ask the sensation that shows up “if you could speak, what would you say?”. This may help you begin to notice what stops you from connecting to your fight response or anger. 
• Threshold Wisdom: As Audre Lorde taught, anger is “loaded with information and energy.”

Ancestral Accountability: Loving Through Time

Your ancestor’s resilience is a valentine waiting in your DNA. By connecting with your ancestors and their love, you continue to challenge colonial norms of independence, written history, and the colonization of time and space. 

• Ritual: Choose a traditional recipe from your lineage or a culture you’re connected to:
• Research its origins and cultural significance
• Prepare the dish, inviting family or friends to join you
• As you cook and share the meal, discuss:
• Stories of ancestors who might have made this dish
• How ingredients or methods have changed over time
• Ways to adapt the recipe that honor both tradition and current needs

A Love That Dismantles

This Valentine’s, I invite you to:

Audit Your Love Maps

1. • Where did you learn “love” = romance?
   • Whose stories are missing from your relational blueprint?

 Host a “Threshold Feast”

1. • Invite friends to share: A food from their lineage. I can only imagine the amount of love at that feast – both present and from the past coming through with food and stories! 

Create a Decolonial Care Pact

• • Partner with someone to check in weekly about body sovereignty practices. 

When Roses Wither, Roots Remain

True love—the kind that outlasts colonial Valentine’s—isn’t about perfection. It’s the courage to:

• Grieve the connections capitalism and colonization stole
• Relearn intimacy through ancestral whispers
• Let your nervous system lead when words fail

This February 14th, may you find love in the quiet rebellion of breath, the solidarity of shared rage, and the sacred duty to heal what generations before couldn’t.